Away With The Pictsies
by RhiannonAmaris
Summary: Discworld Spike and little blue men...
1. Smurfs?

Disclaimer- Buffy and all related characters belong to Joss Whedon. Discworld and all related characters belong to Terry Pratchett. I own nothing.

Smurfs?

By RhiannonAmaris

Spike stared at the sight in front of him. The ancient tomb was filled with little blue men. _Loud_ little blue men with almost Scottish accents. There seemed to be near a thousand of them and the only reason they hadn't attacked was because they couldn't agree on how.

All he had wanted to do was grab some gold, fence it and slip the dosh to the Bit. "Bloody hell I need a drink." He took out the bottle of Jack he had planned on bringing back to his crypt and was about to open it when he realized that the room had gone still.

They were all looking at him again. Or rather at the bottle. Spike grabbed wildly at the perceived chance. "We seem to be having a bit of miscommunication."

"This is our place fang-beastie, ye ken." One of the little blue men said and was answered by a chorus of 'ayes'.

"But it wasn't two years back when I was last here. So I was wondering if we could discuss things over a drink or two and smooth the situation out?"

"Weel, we could have a wee dram or twa."


	2. A Wee Dram

****

Disclaimer-Spike is Joss's; the Feagles are Terry's. Me, I've got nothing.

A Wee Dram

By RhiannonAmaris

Spike and the tiny Celts had migrated to his crypt after the first bottle (and a detour to the local off license). Whatever the hell they were, they were good company. Most of them had stayed behind and maybe a dozen had come. They introduced themselves as Big Hamish, Long Billy, Medium Sized Jock, Wee Jock, Mad Stevens, Loud Wullie, Angus, Daft Angus, Quiet Willie, Sean and Jamie. If they weren't talking they were drinking, if they weren't drinking they were fighting and if they weren't fighting they were singing (in most cases off-key, but all in a different one). Big Hamish, who seemed to be in charge, went quiet for a moment then spoke. "Ye're an odd fang-beastie, to be sure. We've seen ye aboot some. Ye ain't attacked none o the human bigjobs an' ye go fightin' other fang-beasties til they go whoosh."

Spike took a moment to consider this. In part to puzzle through the burr, but mostly dealing with the fact they'd been watching him. "The goverme--"

The little blue men had started a ruckus about the evils of the government, with much cries of 'Wally, wally me' and Spike cleared his throat and glared til they silenced. "Put something in my head that won't let me hurt humans. I can still fight demons and such, so I get a spot of violence in where I can is all."

"Aye, but why guard the wee bigjob girl then?" All the others turned to stare at the one who had spoken up.

"I made a promise to a lady. Nothing will harm her while I exist." Spike growled and had vamped out.

"Wullie." Big Hamish said.

"Aye?"

"Ye ken how ye said there wuz times ye ought to have kept yer loud mouth shut? Weel, that was one of em."

"Crivens!"

Hamish and Long Billy exchanged a look and nodded in satisfaction. "That's a powerful pair of geases Spike-beastie."

It took him a second to realize they didn't mean birds.


	3. No Laird

**Disclaimer-**Spike is Joss's; the Feegles are Terry's. Me, I've got nothing.

No Laird

RhiannonAmaris

"So…" Spike had calmed down now. They didn't seem to be a threat to the Bit or trying to end the world. He'd put on a Pogues album and after they'd stopped arguing about it they seemed to like it. "What the hell are you lot anyway?"

"We-" The one who seemed to be named Hamish drew himself up. "Are the Nac Mac Feegle. The Wee Free Men! No Laird! No King! No Quein! We willna be fooled agin!" The others had joined in the chant. It was obviously some sort of rallying cry of theirs.

Spike poured out another round. "So who was it that fooled you the first time then mates?"

There was a seven-months-along pause and Long Billy, who was thinner than the rest and half an inch taller spoke after Hamish nodded. "We served a Queen and stole at her bidding. We came to think we shouldna be stealing a mon's last pig or only coo. So we rebelled and will bow to no master any longer. She banished us from her lands and would do worse if she could."

"Aye and it weren't at all cause we were pished." Piped up the same voice that had mentioned Dawn. The other Feegles glared at him. "This was one a those times I shoulda kept me daft mouth shut, aye?"

"Aye Angus." They chorused.

Spike laughed. "Hardly sounds like anyplace worth being in really." He sipped his whiskey. "So you steal then."

"Aye an' fight an' drink. A Feegle can fight anythin', drink anythin' an' git in an' out of anywhere." Medium Sized Jock bragged.

"Weel, we have a wee bitty bit a trouble leavin' pubs."


End file.
